Nice Fuckin’ Car

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It’s all about the guys you’re working with. It makes a difference when the foreman is not a dick and when you like all the guys. Anyway, the guy I’m thinking about was a guy named Andy who was on the crew and he was a horny bastard. Actually I think he was a romantic. But anyway, any time we’re in the van, Andy’s lookin’ – lookin’ out for the girls. So we’re in the van and Andy sees this girl as we go by her car, this hot-hot redhead in this white short skirt … and the foreman Kevin says, what are you lookin’ at? And Andy says, “Nice fuckin’ car.” Everybody gets a great laugh. So every time we’re in the van Andy sees some girl and so now he goes, “Nice fuckin’ car.” And I’ve gotta say, this area where we worked, these big houses, finished off very nice … there was these blondes in BMWs and redheads in SAABs and hot Asian babes in Mercedes and every day we drive out to the mall, to look at the food court and the babes, and Andy is three or four or five times each way, “Nice fuckin’ car.” So one day Andy says “Nice fuckin’ car” and we all laugh ’cause the car is a fuckin’ wreck. The girl looks fine, but the car is a fuckin’ wreck. But Andy it’s like he doesn’t even know what we’re laughing at. Kevin says, “We’ll buy you that fuckin’ car, Andy.” And we are all howlin’. So Kevin says let’s take up a collection, so like a bunch of dicks, I go, “fifty bucks and a fuckin’ tuna sandwich.” And everybody is goin’ at it, raising the bet, and Kevin is fuckin’ addin’ it all up, and he says, “She would sell that fuckin’ car for thirteen hundred bucks, man. Let’s do this mother fucker.” So Kevin hops out of the fuckin’ van and next thing we’re all out there. It was a Friday, it took three lights to get into this fuckin’ mall, so it’s a parking lot. So Andy is kind of floating over to the girl’s window and Kevin is there, goin’, “Listen, our friend is too shy to tell you about this, but what he is lookin’ for in a girl is a nice freakin’ car, and so we’re gonna pitch in and buy him your car. Whaddya want for it?” “What the fuck” the girl is like, you know, she’s in this shitty car, “I thought you saw something wrong with my car, you asshole, get outta here!” She’s got the window goin’ up – and then it was like, Andy and her, they locked eyes. It was … all of us could see it. It was a kind of thing that you can’t deny. And I think in that moment the girl and Andy both were kinda sad but also kind of OK to have this thing happen … It was like, okay, this is bullshit, but otherwise we never would’a met each other at all. So anyway, now the joke is over, the Asian babe in the Mercedes is giving us the finger, anyway, we get back in and that was it. Andy says to Kevin, “you’re a fuckin’ dick,” but, he wasn’t really mad. You can’t be mad with the guys you work with for too long, or it just won’t work. So … You know, the next day, we’re on to the next fuckin’ thing.

2 Responses to Nice Fuckin’ Car

  1. Bradley Collins says:

    good enough for the girls we hang around with…

  2. Mike Fig says:

    a regular carwash and fifty dollar tuna sandwiches – the jokes never over. great stuff Forrest